All You Need is Courage

How in the world is it already almost a new year? HOW?! It literally feels like yesterday when my mom, sister and myself were watching the ball drop on the television counting down to 2014, now it's almost 2015? Crazy! I guess I never noticed how fast it goes until recently since I intend on graduating in 2016....oh boy that's scary. I've been thinking of the future and where I plan and what I plan to do next. It's just now starting to set in that I am an adult and will be on my own very soon....NOOOOOO! Haha but in all honesty it's kind of scary but also exhilarating! It makes me look back on this year and how much my life has changed...how much I have changed. I have overcome quite a few obstacles, especially dealing with the wonderful business we call show. Questioning myself and my abilities. Can I really do this? Can I handle the pressure and do what I love no matter what? I found that I could. I know what I am meant to do in this world, I know that I have been given a gift for a reason. Thinking of this makes me think of the people in my life who surround me with love and how I could never make it without them. They brought me joy in times of darkness; guidance in times of confusion and I couldn't be more grateful. It's interesting to watch your life go by as fast as it does, but it also is kind of sad because it goes by so quickly. It feels like yesterday I was at Catawba and now I'm at a completely different place with all new kinds of people. How can life move that quickly? How can things change in what feels like an instant? This year has taught me that no matter where you are, things can change when you least expect it. I've been reassured that there is a plan for my life, but I have to take action. The only person that can truly hold me back from what I want is me and I will not allow that to happen. I have always thought of myself as a passionate person, but lately "passionate" doesn't seem like it's good enough to describe it. I am determined, driven and confident that I can do what I have always dreamed of doing. If there has ever been a life lesson to learn, it's this one. After what I have overcome this year, I know I can handle anything. I'm not saying I'm perfect and will immediately succeed because we all know that's not going to happen. But I find comfort that I know it will happen for me. I will succeed and reach my goals with the people I love right next to me, cheering me on all the way. So I'm sure you're all thinking "okay this is random..." and yes it is BUT with this year starting to come to a close, I feel it is necessary to spread my inspiration and maybe help someone find their own. What is a goal you've always wanted to achieve, but didn't think you could? What is something you have struggled with or still struggle with? You can overcome it. You can do anything as long as you push yourself and take action. Unfortunately, it's not like a smartphone where at the press of a button you have an answer, you have to go get it. There is a quote that I have always loved and use as my motto sometimes, said by Walt Disney himself. He said "All our dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them." I can see my dream as a reality and it is going to take a lot of courage to get there, but I promise myself that I will. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go search for more possibilities and opportunities and don't worry, I'll keep you posted!

"Your line is 'I wish to free the Genie'...."

"A woman appreciates a man who can make her laugh!" I have always loved being around people who knew how to truly make me laugh. Genuinely laugh, not "oh haha that's funny" when it's really not. In my opinion laughter is one of the best ways to heal illness and pain. It's very rare to find someone who is truly funny and brings so much joy to everyone around them. This man did that and more. As many people know, I am a huge Disney dork, and my first Williams film was the Disney classic Aladdin. I laugh at every moment with the Genie in that movie even though I can quote the movie from beginning to end at this point. He played the Genie and made that character iconic because of his incredible talent. The millions of voices and impressions he did in the movie make it truly hilarious. Every time I watch the movie I always say "I would have loved to have been in the recording studio while doing this movie." Another Williams favorite of mine and the family's is Mrs. Doubtfire. So much so that when I was 2....yes, 2 years old....my mother and father taught me some impressions including the infamous "Helloooooo!" from the movie and a lovely story of trying to get me to say that into the voicemail machine, but I'm sure my mother will be sharing that story in her post or probably already has. The point is this man has been a big name in film and I have admired him my whole life. He was and will always be one of my favorite actors and the fact that he was suffering from something so sad like depression makes this so much harder to grasp. What a happy, funny person who brought so much laughter to so many people for so many years only to find that he was suffering with depression. Saying "you don't know what happens behind closed doors" is quite an understatement. I always saw this man as immortal because every time I saw him, he was smiling and laughing. I like to think that he found happiness in his characters, that was his escape from his problems that he was facing, but sometimes our demons are too strong for us to handle and they overcome us. I also want to take this post and make sure to celebrate the wonderful talent and man he was. I know we weren't best friends or anything, but he was the person I would go to to make me laugh and take my troubles of the day away even if it was just for an hour or two. He was incredibly funny and incredibly talented as some of his serious roles are some of the most beautiful roles I've had the honor to see played on screen. All my life I have wished to one day meet this man and even act alongside him and unfortunately that will not happen, but I will still remember him and his role he played in my life growing up. Robin Williams, you created so many happy moments for so many people, but especially me and I want to thank you for being that person who could genuinely make me laugh. You will be missed. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to find one of my favorite Disney movies and laugh with a friend like Genie and don't worry, I'll keep you posted.

  

"Somewhere Over the Rainbow..."

"Is there such a place Toto? There must be. It's far, far away. Behind the moon, beyond the rain..." What a classic movie line to deliver into one of the most iconic songs ever written. In my opinion, what made it iconic was Judy Garland. It blows my mind that she was only 16 when she portrayed the infamous role of Dorothy Gale. If you have ever been to my house....or you know my mother....we are big fans of The Wizard of Oz and Judy Garland herself. You walk into our living room and immediately walk into the classic movie room. Along with our Gone With The Wind and Marilyn Monroe posters, Wizard of Oz has it's own side of the house with famous movie posters and a pair of ruby slippers. Unfortunately not the real ones, as much as we wanted to purchase the shoes when they were for sale, we were short 4 million dollars, but I digress. The point is that movie is a favorite in our household and has been for as long as I can remember. The fact that for more than one Halloween I was a character from the movie. I was dressed as the Cowardly Lion when I was just a baby....not going to lie, that was pretty cute...and then I was Dorothy one year and the shoes I wore that night are the shoes that hang upon the wall today and wherever we've moved to they still make an appearance upon the wall. I had a conversation with my mother the other day about Judy and her portrayal of Dorothy and how basically no matter how many people play that role in the world, no one can touch Judy Garland. Of course they can do an amazing job at playing the role in their own way, but at the end of the day Judy will always be the original Dorothy and what every single person compares that actress to which is kind of a lot of pressure. My family especially are not usually people to be seen at any performance of The Wizard of Oz purely because we know that movie so well to the point of memorization, that all we can think is "it's not the same as the movie." Yes I know the stage version has many other different parts that make it not exactly like the movie, but still we can't help but think that. Every year, it never fails, the one gift we always give mom is the new Wizard of Oz calendar that comes out every year. While it's not a surprise any more, it's still a present that makes the whole house happy because we adore that classic film so much because of all the wonderful characters, but especially Judy Garland. One of my other favorite films she's in is Easter Parade with Fred Astaire. That movie makes me so happy every time I watch it. It's a tradition at my house that the last thing we do on Easter is sit down and watch that movie. Judy is so funny in this movie I laugh every time, even though I know most of the movie by memory at this point. She is so spunky and so charismatic, her smile lights up a room and her voice soars over the audience no matter the key it's in. She is a true legend and an actress that I have always admired from the time I was little to this day. It would have been her 92nd birthday today and it makes me so incredibly sad that she left this earth way before she should have. What I would give to meet her and just hear all of her stories of the movies and shows she's been in. Her career is one that I wish I can just have a taste of because while yes she had some troubles behind the scenes, but the roles she brought to life that everyone knows and loves. No matter what role she played, everyone loved it. That's all you could do is fall in love with Judy. I end this post with a heart felt Happy Birthday to a woman who showed me that I can fly over the rainbow and do what I strive to achieve in my life. Sure I may be knocked down, but just get back up and keep doing what you love. Thank you Judy Garland for bringing such happiness to myself and my family, we honestly adore you. Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high there's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby. Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to check out Turner Classic Movies and see which Garland film they're showing and don't worry I'll keep you posted! 

"And Remember Our Faded Love"

Dreams are very fascinating things. Some look at dreams as just colors and shapes that we put together to create a vision in our sleep. Others, like myself, look at them as our subconscious trying to tell us something or even ways for lost loved ones to communicate. Valentine's Day is just around the corner, so naturally all the single ladies....and fellas....begin to ponder if this year will be magically different than the last. Lately, I have been looking at myself and wondering what about me makes finding a compatible person to be with so difficult? Not throwing a pity party or anything, just a thought that has been on my mind. Then last night, I had a dream that I was getting married. Good dream to have, right? Well it turns out that the man I was marrying, I wasn't all that sure about. I don't know what the man looked like or what his name was, I just know that I was getting married and everyone was ecstatic. Except for myself. For some reason that I couldn't figure out, I was very unhappy, sad in fact. Then all of a sudden I was at the old house I used to live in with my grandparents. I haven't been in that house for quite a while. I then feel a tap on my shoulder and when I turn around, I see my Papa. I immediately burst into tears, not of sadness, but of joy. He looked at me and smiled the way he always did when I was near him when he was alive. He took my hand and asked me why I was so upset and I told him that I was getting married to man that I didn't know if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He asked me to tell him about this man and I simply said I don't know. We walked into the house and just being in there with him made me cry even more. He started telling me that I need to wait my turn. He told me that there is someone out there for me, but that I need to wait for him and not just settle because I deserve someone who would treat me like a princess. Papa then said, "You're my princess." I then asked him if he was okay where he was now and all he did was smile, squeeze my hand and said "I love you." I woke up and to my surprise there were tears running down my face. I've had a few dreams with my Papa, but this one felt so very real. He was so youthful, so alive and so happy. He is my dad. He loved me and my sister unconditionally like he loved his own daughters. The end of my dream was him letting me know that he is okay and that he sees my pain, my sorrows but also my happiness and joy. He may not be here physically, but I feel him watching over me every day. As I write this post, I felt it appropriate to listen to Patsy Cline since Papa and I share that love for her. One verse keeps standing out to me and I feel like it's the best way to end this post. I miss you Papa, I can only hope that I find someone who loves me as much as you do. "I miss you darlin', more and more everyday. As heaven would miss the stars above. With every heart beat, I still think of you and remember our faded love."

A Force to be Reckoned With

Idols. Everyone has them. Whether it's a singer who takes your breath away with their meaningful lyrics or a football star who makes every touchdown seem like a miracle, we all have them. I have many who have changed my life with the delivery of a simple line. One of them is Phillip Seymour Hoffman. It is extremely rare to go to a movie and an actor moves you so much you leave speechless because their performance was that awe inspiring. One of my favorite films is The Ides of March, starring Ryan Gosling, George Clooney and Phillip Seymour Hoffman. It is a modern version of the story of the fall of Julius Caesar. It is a brilliant movie, but the performance that left me speechless was this amazing man. One movie I strongly suggest watching. You may not even agree with me, but this man was a force to be reckoned with. When you find someone who can play any character and make each one completely different, that is when you have found a true genius. He was so passionate about his art and shared with everyone how much acting and directing truly meant to him simply by believing what the story was he was telling and the words he was saying. Recently I also saw him in the second movie of The Hunger Games trilogy where he played Plutarch Heavensbee. I'm not sure how many people who read this have read The Hunger Games books or have even seen the movies, but when I saw the movie and saw him enter onto the screen, my heart truly skipped a beat. I respected him so much as an actor, I can only hope I am just as successful and talented as he was in my career. Any actor knows the struggle when entering into this business. It breaks your heart. You put everything into the role you are playing and make yourself extremely vulnerable to billions of people you have never met. You open yourself to endless criticism that can make one go home and cry yourself to sleep. However, what really matters at the end of the day is that what you decide to do with your life makes you truly happy. I know that thinking of doing anything else with my life would make me lose hope in myself and lose hope in life. Obviously, there were problems he was facing before his death but I choose not to think of that. I choose to think of the man who brought true emotion, passion and vulnerability to every single character he played and brought true happiness to my heart after seeing him on screen. Thank you Phillip Seymour Hoffman for being a true idol and icon for every aspiring actor out there, including myself. You will never know how much I wished I could have acted with you in my career. "The ambition, the drive, the wanting to be the center of attention, the wanting to succeed....they're all inside me somewhere." ~Phillip Seymour Hoffman

"We Go Together....like a Wink and a Smile"

Today is a beautiful day. Not just because it's the weekend, but because it is my best friend's 18th birthday! Yep you read it correctly, 18! Oh and to fill you folks in on the secret of who my best friend is, it's my sister. Wow, how time flies. You're an adult now...although, you've kind of always been one. As far back as I can remember, even when we were little, I always looked up to you in a way. You always had a way at looking at the world with compassion and wisdom, and still do. I don't know how many times we watch a crime show and you end up feeling compassion for the crazy serial killer! I know, she's crazy right? No. In fact, we all should take a lesson from her. Showing compassion and unconditional love to people is very hard, especially when they have done nothing to deserve it...but then again, what do we do to deserve unconditional love? I will be the first one to admit that I screw up....a lot. I know, you all are shocked but it's true. There are times where I just wish I could go back and take back everything. There have been times where I didn't think I had friend within a thousand miles. Then I would realize all I had to do was look to the person next to me and find my sister. She was and always has been there for me, even when I mess up. If anything, she helps me fix it. Sometimes I think "Okay I'm the oldest, shouldn't I be the one to give advice?", but she just knows exactly what to say to put everything in perspective for me. She knows how to make me laugh until a drink, any drink, just flies out my nose when just five minutes ago I had tears just pouring down my face. She knows how to set me straight when I feel I have lost my way. She finds me when I am completely lost. This past semester was challenging and there were so many days where all I did was wish my sister, my best friend, was sitting right next to me making me laugh and forget my troubles just for a little bit. That's the downside of college is that I am way too far away from her.

I don't write this to make people cry or be depressed all day. I write this because I want my family, my friends and the whole world to know how much my sister means to me. How much her existence is what keeps me going every day. How badly I just wish I could be her some days and how much I need her in my life. She is my everything. Some may be reading this thinking our relationship may be unhealthy, that I may be too close to my sister, but I strongly disagree. We have been best friends since the day she was born and I wanted to wear my fancy shoes for her arrival 18 years ago. I don't remember many things from age 5 and under, but the one thing I do remember is, when I was 3, holding my sister after she was born. I remember how beautiful it was holding her and how special she was to me and I had just met her. There was something there that I knew she and I were meant to be best friends. She was my sister and I loved her unconditionally from the first time we met.

So, today on your birthday, it kills me that I am not there for you physically, but I am always with you. I wish you a day full of love, happiness and everything you wish to come true. If anyone deserves to receive her hearts desires, it's you. You are so important to me and I am so incredibly proud of the woman you have become. We've gone through a lot together, and there is so much more for us to go through. It has always been you and me against the world and we're still conquering! Happy Birthday thither! I love you soooooo much and I miss you more than words can possibly express! Because everyone knows, "We go together like a wink and a smile." As for the rest of our adventures together, don't worry I'll keep you posted!

Silence is the true thriller....

First off I would like to thank my mother for inspiring me to write this blog post. What's the sound we all try to imitate when we're referring to someone who is a psycho? Come on you got this....I kind of gave you the answer so if you guess wrong I'm going to be a little concerned for ya.....phew, okay good you got it! The famous screeching of the strings in the infamous thriller classic Psycho directed by the one and only man who can make everyone tremble simply with a shower curtain, Alfred Hitchcock. Today is his birthday and I am a very big fan of this classic film genius! Luckily, this year at school, I was able to take a class called Music In Film so naturally we were bound to study Hitchcock films and his partnership with the brilliant film composer Bernard Herrmann. Combine the chilling strings with the creepy shadow that slowly approaches the shower curtain and you have an instant thriller that will leave people sitting on the edge of their seats....well I know I was sitting on the edge of my seat! As a regular 21 year old, of course I love the occasional scary movies. Not gory because I just don't think all that is necessary but put a thriller on the TV or movie theater screen and I am there in a heartbeat! Along with the movie Psycho, my other favorite Hitchcock film is Rear Window.....oh sweet mother of God that movie sends chills up my body every time I watch it and the thing is the WHOLE movie takes place in an apartment looking out of a window!....and the light bulb comes on now realizing why the movie is called Rear Window, okay now we're all on the same page....That blows my mind! The man is a genius I mean the fact that the movie takes place in this apartment the whole time and it never gets boring, in fact it is one of the most suspenseful movies I myself have ever watched. That moment when the villain realizes the hero has figured out his crime and he slowly turns and makes direct eye contact with the eavesdropping binoculars (and audience) in the window across the street......everyone in the audience begins to think something along the lines of "oh crap, Oh Crap, OH CRAP!!!" Along with that, this whole movie has no suspenseful music....just silence. Everyone is uncomfortable with silence. It signifies the unknown and the fact that anything can happen and you wouldn't know. In my opinion, the silence in this movie is the true thriller. This proves how genius this man truly was as a film director. The fact that a quick moment of eye contact combined with complete silence as you hear the slow footsteps coming up the stairs can make the audience shift in their seat and hold their pillow even tighter to the point of squeezing the stuffing out or throwing the popcorn out of your hand as you jump out of your seat. As I end this post, I urge you all to go out and find this Hitchcock classic, or any of his films for that matter and experience the thrill and suspense that makes him the famous director he is. Appreciate the stilling silence and chills that will soon follow because the silence is the true thriller. Happy birthday Alfred Hitchcock and thank you for the amazing movie experiences you have provided for me and generations to come. Now if you'll excuse me, a classic movie night is calling my name and don't worry I'll keep you posted!